STRAIGHT UP THE MIDDLE

A few years ago (nearly 10), I had a rather nasty break-up. I found myself engaging in and fascinated by rock climbing, rappelling, free climbing, and hiking. I became obsessed by it, it occupied most of my waking moments when I wasn’t at work. I trained for it when I exercised, pull-ups, abdominals, squats, running for cardio vascular endurance. I lived to climb, my fingers had muscles, I particularly enjoyed free climbing. It was like a physical logic problem to me. It was not that I was trying to die, quite the contrary. I was remembering what it means to be alive. I remember being stuck on a physical logic problem and hanging there about 45 meters above the ground. I clung to an outcropping about half an inch thick, four fingers kept me glued to life. To lose my grip meant a quick trip to what lies beyond. I remember how much my middle finger mattered; there was a small pebble under the very tip of my finger and it became the center of my universe. To me it was all that was of consequence in my life. Not the nasty break-up (with Pi), not the betrayal of a dear friend, not my own shallow immaturity, none of that mattered to me, the only thing that mattered was that damned pebble under my finger. I couldn’t move my fingers at all, I was stuck there for about 2 minutes, deciding what to do. It seemed like forever, then the simplicity of it all hit me as I heard a falcon over head. The only way out is through. Simple to think, and easier to say, yet to survive this I had to go up, over and through. I have come to understand that life is not nearly as simple as that. Yet, isn’t it? Why are things needlessly complicated in life, in society, in all aspects of the human endeavor?

The only way out is through, that means forward. In our absence these many months, our lives here in Baghdad have been simple. It can be summed up in a sentence; Do your job, if you make it home alive never forget, ever. Yet we watch the news here and read of dissention in our cities, people protesting against the war, calling the President of the United States names. “Dude where’s my country?” JFK starred down the barrel of nuclear war, and he didn’t even blink. FDR faced the possibility of losing to the Nazi’s and the forces of darkness, and he didn’t flinch. What happened to us, have we gotten so pampered, so soft that “hope” has replaced determination to persevere? Has, naiveté replaced understanding that the world is full of darkness and unless you stand up to it, you will be trampled by it. It is not for me to say that this war is wrong or right. I am here and despite my feelings I serve with men and women who face this emptiness, this decaying of the soul daily with a fortitude that has kept our nation free for 230 years. If the best that America has to offer is here, then what is there now? What home do we have to come home to? 

 

Forgive the drama, it is purely perceptual. I don’t see my Grandmother on the news telling me she misses me, I see the honorable Mrs. or Mr. accusing the President and his administration of this or that, I see the sacrifices of men and women here in Iraq and Afghanistan being used as a maneuver piece on the chess board of the American political landscape. Each time I watch the news, and see what is going on in my country, it saddens me. I have spent 17 years (nearly) in service to this nation, and for me my return signifies nothing. For my job won’t be done. Service is sacrifice. Yes, yes now I see that clearly. Love is sacrifice, and I do so love my country. But the lines of division grow wider by the day, and that cannot stand. We are all children of the framers, and united by their revolution. A liberal is not the opposite of a conservative, and vice versa.  It is possible to live in both of those worlds and be reasonable. It is more apropos to say that reason is the opposite of extremism on either side of the isle. If so, where are the reasonable?

This article is by a decent journalist, named Louise.  It's not glamorous, but it is an honest look at mixed emotions here. 

RDC

Comments

[DABeirne]

Your article appeared in the Dallas Morning News today. I immediately wrote a letter to the editor thanking them for publishing it. May God keep you and all your comrades close to His heart. The line about JFK and FDR says it all about what's happened to this country.

[James]

Hey Sir an 11Bravo from 1st Cav here. I spent 13 months in Baghdad, read your column in the Dallas Morfning News today and it brought tears to my eyes. I lost my best friend there last year in Falluja. Hard to convey to the people over here what we are doing there. Keep up the good work, LT, and I will be joining the officer ranks wsith you soon.
SSG from 1st Cav

[devildog6771]

Ok Rustin, I read that article. I don't see it as an honest assessment. I see it as a big part of the "cause" for the sentiment. I also see it for the one sided, bias reporting thatv it really is. I was disappointed a little in your comments to the reporter. I realize that your loss was beyond imagination. You are a young man. You have yet to learn as most all young people do that life always seems hard when you start to take charge of your own life. THAT CHANGE IS SLOW AND PAINFUL AND OFTEN FOLLOWS TRAGEDY. Once I remembered that I was no longer disappointed in your comments to that reporter. I am angry as hell at her for using your grief.

Now, you "will" get through this time in your life. You "will" be a better person. And, believe it or not you "will" be a a more content person for it all. I didn't get this from a book or some intellectual dribble given to me by a person with a fancy degree. I learned it the hard way.

I have experienced much tragedy and loss in my life time. I tried intellectualizing their repercussions. That didn't help. I tried comparing my life to others. You know what I mean, my life is worse than theirs but it sure is better than theirs! But that is all crap. Each person's life and tragedies and pain are very real to them and can at times be very over powering. When that happens you must be very careful not to get lost along the way by seeing only the "enormity" of what's going on it the world and at home at large.

Continue to write. Keep expressing your pain, disillusionment, and your anger. There will be many times when you'll say God when deos it all end? There will be many times when you will feel cpmpletely dead inside for months at a time.

But one day, you'll be on the other side and won't remember when or how you got there. You won't forget anything. But it won't tear you apart inside. You will never ever be in this place again because of the strength inside you that you found to face it all and guide you to the surface again.

I can only offer you two more thoughts here. One, as you come out of this you may become suicidal. Take this seriously and get help. Two, you will not get to the other side if you allow yourself to wallow in self pity or fear past the time you will ossasionally need to re-group and continue the fight. Believe me you will wallow at times and you will be immobilized by fear at times.

That is not because you are weak. It is because that's how this process evolves. Make sure you build upa network of supportive frinds and TALK to them. You need an ass kicker for those times you can't move forward, a good ear for those times you need a friend to listen as you talk out your feelings to get them in perspective, a crying towel friend [not necessarily your wife], and other veterans to talk to about those things people who haven't been in your shoes will understand.

I hope you aren't offended by mo comments. They were meant to be helpful one vet to another. I do need to say Im am not a combat vet so you won't be mis-lead.

Now, let me say again, thank you and your family for all your sacrifices. Thank you for your service. Another thing, you have friends who come here, use them. If they didn't want to help, they wouldn't be here. Just be careful who you pick.

[devildog6771]

First to Cristian. Tell us a little about your country so we can all see what we have missed. What's that you say/ You're from France [or one of those other limp wristed countries]!

Sir, I do not believe you are going through a "dark timne" I believe you are going through what many in our country are experiencing right now as we watch these extreme, anti-American intellectuals try once again to destroy our country and wonder how to best handle their growing fanaticism while also saying to ourselves, they will never make a difference, ignore them and they will go away. Big mistake. These people ho loner have a "home base" since the collapse of the USSR. In the 60's these people turned the tide in the politicalk arena on Vietnam. Today, many of these same people are now in public office. They are a very real and dangerous threat. They do not represent the majority. But they are the "enemy within" and we need to remove the blinders that we had that prevented us from believing 9/11 could occur and realize we are facing another justv as serious threat from the "enemy within!" These people are not harmless. They do hate America. I like to think of them as the "blind intellectuals!"

Great postv sir. Sometimes distance gives a more accurate perception. You are right on. Now, when you come home, use that knowledge to help bring America first to your party. Help unite those majority of Democrats whose party leaders have gone off the deep end with real leadership.

[Michael]

Semper Fi Brother.

[Rob Hamernik]

Russ,
Head up. Ass down and stay safe. You’re doing a hell of a job and you know it! Ignore the media, you are doing the job they couldn't fathom, stomach, or find the intestinal fortitude to do. See you home soon.

[Rebecca and Myron McCormick]

Lt. Currie,
Add our names to those NOT associated with what you're viewing on the mainistream media. In fact, I'm not sure we should really give it that much credence. Read the milbloggers; we're more mainstream than networks. This week, on our own blog, we've posted a series of letters from four other soldiers on the ground. That's about as mainstream as you can get when it comes to Iraq.

Stay the course. We're with you.

[Curt]

Right on target, Rustin.

I'm totally in agreement with you.

Keep this post to frame and hang behind your desk when you are in the Congress....it will keep you grounded in the reality of all of this.

[Huntress]

The voices of the left From Obama to Cindy Sheehan to the Hollywood elites to a former Marine who confuses Iraq for Vietnam are NOT representative of the entire American chorus.

Your country stands behind you and your troups and stand with the Iraqi's as they continue to accomplish what no other arab country has ever done....institute a real democracy, ratified by a constitution created by the people for the people.

It is the men and women of the US miitary along with our coalition partners that have brought about and continue to guide and support this monumentous achievement.

JOB WELL DONE! Hoooooah!

[cristian]

Hi. I'm not american, and let me tell you that you're 'american illuminism', and all those things that you don't even question about yourself and your conutry because you're just so full of bull shit, sounds really naive.

[Chevy Rose]

My great-grandson is having his 5th birthday Monday, and he draws pictures to send to our "adopted" soldiers in our boxes. HE KNOWS WHO THE HEROS ARE AND WHO ARE FIGHTING TO KEEP US SAFE, I just don't understand why the media don't.
Thank you, Russ, and know that this old lady is so proud of you and your fellow military. God bless.

[Melanie Garcia]

I shake my head in dismay every day at what I see on the news and at what stupidity our politicians display. These people think they are representing us?? They only represent their own hunger, their own passion for power. They feed their own greed and play foolish games with those bright and beautiful who serve. Some few try to do what is right and good, but most are "playas" and worthy only of our disdain. Do I like that you are in Iraq? No. Do I like that my son also stands in the line of danger in Iraq? NO! And I do know you must be there, this dread task must be completed. We as Americans must support and finish the task before us or our nation, our way of life, our freedom can just be crumpled up and thrown in the trash can. Stay strong, my friend, you are a hero to many -- as are all our GIs -- you are a hero to me. God bless you

[Diwata]

Rusten -

I believe you will appreciate this salient observation from the classical military historian, Victor Davis Hanson, in the current National Review OnLine:

"For now Democrats stammer, sputter, and go the Bush shoulda / coulda route — not quite ready to take the McGovern sharp turn, forever waiting on polls and events on the ground in Iraq, always unsure whether peace and democracy will come before the 2,500th American fatality.

Yet as they hedge — on television praising Congressmen Murtha who advocates withdrawal, but making sure they vote overwhelmingly on the record to reject his advice — they should consider some critical questions.

First, are the metrics of this war in the terrorists’ or our favor? Are the Iraqi security forces growing or shrinking? Are elections postponed or on schedule? Are Europe, Jordan, Lebanon, and others more or less sympathetic to a war against Islamic terrorism in Iraq? Are bin Laden, Zawahiri, and Zarqawi more or less popular or secure after we removed Saddam? Is al Qaeda in a strengthened or weakened position? Is the Arab world more or less receptive to democracy in the Gulf, Egypt, Lebanon, and the West Bank? And is the United States more or less vulnerable to a terrorist attack as we go into our fifth year since September 11?

I ask those questions in all sincerity since the conventional wisdom — compared to the true wisdom and compassion of those valiantly fighting the terrorists under the most impossible of conditions — is that we are losing in Iraq, our enemies are emboldened, and the Arab world has turned against us. But if we forget the banality of New York Times columnists, the admonitions of NPR experts, and the daily rants of a Barbara Boxer, Nancy Pelosi, Ted Kennedy, or Al Gore, more sober and street-smart Democrats are in fact not so sure of these answers.

So these wiser ones wait and hedge their wagers. They give full rein to the usefully idiotic and irresponsible in their midst, but make no move yet to undo what thousands of brave American soldiers have accomplished in Iraq.

What exactly is that? Despite acrimony at home, the politics of two national elections and a third on the horizon, and the slander of war crimes and incompetence, those on the battlefield of Iraq have almost pulled off the unthinkable — the restructuring of the politics of the Middle East in less than three years.

And for now that is still a strong hand to bet against."

[crobnson]

I am another angry fighter at home who supports you all the way. Your mission is right and is working. Stay focused on doing your good work. Let us do the fighting at home. Take care and hang in there.

Christine

[Sven Richard]

I value you and your fellow soldiers more than all the stuffed suits in DC combined.

Thank you for your service.

Sven

Never give up.

[Proud Soldier]

LT,
Greetings from Abu Ghraib.That was an excellent piece!!

[Mary]

Lt. Currie,
It is a fight worth winning, and just know that there are so many that support what our troops are accomplishing in Iraq. My words do not convey the deep emotion I feel towards all our troops who are serving, including my son who is a Marine Reservist. My husband served in Vietnam, and I have vowed "NEVER AGAIN" will our troops be treated as they were then. THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE.

[JKS]

Rusten,
God bless you and your fellow soldiers. Everyone I know is enormously proud of the difficult and important work in Iraq and Afghanistan, notwithstanding all the hype generated by the media and some of our elected "leaders," who insist on viewing everything through the prism of Vietnam they acquired in their youth, no matter how inappropriate.

Keep up your spirits and your excellent work...you and your fellow armed forces are the pride of our great country and we stand firmly behind you and your mission.

[Maggie45]

Rusten, I believe you're going through "the dark night of the soul" right now. I am praying for you. May God keep you in the palm of his hand. I think our objective there is very noble, and yes the war that is necessary to achieve it is horrible. I support you.

[Joe Deegan]

The mainstream media won't cover the support here at home for your great effort in Iraq. I think the battle here is going well. When those against the war try to panic the public, people stand up to them. Their old bag of tricks from the 1960's isn't working now. They keep trying and vigilance and courage will stop them flat.
Joe

[SUB HUNTER]

Rusten,
Fantastic post!!FYI,on the rear
window of my jeep COMPLETE THE
MISSION and below that are the
words FREEDOM ISN'T FREE,Ive
never had a negitive comment
about it, just the oppisite...

The truth about Iraq
is being told by indpendent
reporters like Michael Yon and
now Bill Roggio,what you are
doing is not a waste of time and
lives,its the future of this
country as we know it...This is
not Vietnam,NEVER WAS,NEVER WILL
BE... I will post a link for
an open letter for the anti-war
crowd from one of the boots on
the ground http://madeucegunners.blogspot.com
its worth the read, post of
11/14/05...Thanks for what you
are doing and watch your 6...

[David]

Rusten, You will make the residents of your district proud.

[DaveG]

Dude, your country is standing right here behind you, firmly holding the belief that what you and your mates are doing is both necessary and honorable. We are the silent majority, struggling against years on entrenched political and media defeatism that only gets the attention it does because it is shouted through a megaphone. We are using the internet to shout back with as much volume as we can muster. We will eventually turn the tide against them, and prove to them that we will not be swayed again.

[susan]

Don't fall for the media hype, it is contrived imagery projected by anti-liberators who comprise only 20% of the population of 280 million people.

Remember, the majority in Congress voted to continue the fight in Iraq. Now, each time the duplicity of the media and the politician displays itself to the public it will be received with disatifaction. The news print is moving towards bankrupcy because their inadequate product is useless and when the 2006 elections roll around quite a number of deceptive politicians who believe the American public has too short of a memory to recall such duplicity will find themselves out of work and out of Washington.

Just because the media is ignoring how real Americans feel about the superior work accomplished by our soldiers does not mean that we are not here giving full support. If we are to measure all things by polls, the poll taken to determine American's faith and trust in our soldiers is somewhere around 73%. The American people believe more in you than they believe in the media and the politicians combined.

We the People have faith in you and your mission. We have been through the anti-liberation hype before only this time around we have the power to step outside the media bubble and recognise the dubious intentions of the hypers!

Have faith in the American people, not in the media hype.

[Diwata]

Rusten -

You are right ... you don't fight the pain, nor hardily repress it. You receive into you, and take its meaning as it wracks you in all its despite, and then let it slink out again as you remain, clench-fisted, holding your personal line.

You indeed honor your warrior brothers best, live and fallen, by standing fast in their name and in their memory.

And we, your countrymen on whose behalf you ward the ramparts, salute you all for it. May we answer your battle sacrifices by being equally faithful at home!

This Thanksgiving, we thank God for every troop and marine and sailor and flyer holding the line out there for us.

God bless you all, and God bless America!