This day finds our battalion well. We have had a few days of relative peace and quiet. The only significant violence has been directed at the Iraqis. So many senseless deaths, so much pointless violence. The insurgency is being strangled by two forces from multiple sides, directions, and azimuths. The military might of the coalition and the political forces within the government. Of course the political forces are much much slower than the military but progress is being made. The insurgency is dying and it doesn't realize it. I am not suggesting that there will be one decisive battle such as the French being crushed in Indochina at Dien Bien Phu, rather as the forest fire that destroys all in its path consumes itself so will this insurgency. Theirs is a cause with no future, and in that respect we only need to keep them on their heels, and in time the disaffected members of the insurgency will either die by the sword, or the pen. Iraq will move forward with or with out them. Time waits for no one, especially those so inherently resistant to modernity, and change.
Speaking of change, what is it about people that makes them so totally afraid to change. There was a time when I hadn't the slightest clue why anyone would want to maintain the status quo (Hell, I didn't even know what it meant, save for the fact that it was bad.) Yet some people get so complacent and become so terrified of change that they will stay unhappy, virtually alone and isolated simply to avoid having to make a tough choice, or a difficult transition. They shut out their friends, family, and remain in a bubble isolated from the world. Trapped in a self fulfilling cycle of emptiness, even if the solution has been plainly staring them in the face. Excuses, do nothing but convince one that a lack of action is the best action. Waiting is simply a symptom of a weak will. Who dares wins. I used to be a scared little boy, I was a runt, everyone was bigger and stronger than me. I was a passive kid, who used to get pushed around a lot, then one day my neighbor moved in Lee Howard Grant, he was a rough and tough police officer's son. He taught me how to box, how to stand up for myself, and how to walk with confidence. My father opted to leave my Mother and I in New York, alone and in poverty. My Father was replaced by my Dad, who whisked us away to St Louis, and reared me as his own. Growing up with him was difficult, but I am who I am now in large part to him.
I chose the Spartan life of a Soldier, now there are things I have done, and can do that I never thought possible, Yet I have always wanted more, for me service is an obligation to which I have never turned my back. when I return home in early 2006, I will have spent 20 of the previous 24 months away from my wife. Away from my comfort zone. I hate being here, yet the significance of walking through this moment in history is not lost upon me. Facing each day here, is not without its challenges; boredom, tension, the pressure of the job, fear, anger, sadness and so on and so on. The Army used to have a saying we do more before 8 am than most people do all day. Here I go through the emotional roller-coaster hourly than most people allow themselves to feel in a week. The poker face here keeps me sane. There have been times when I have been blood boiling mad, and the poker face kept my riptide hidden beneath the surface of the calm waters of my mask of indifference.
For 14 years I have witnessed friends of mine destroy themselves in useless self pitty, in failed relationships, and a voluminous archive of reasons why not to do something, There comes a time when you have to let go, and I think I have reached the red line. Letting go is the only logical solution, the only viable answer to this "Why" is good bye. To what I speak here it is not relevant that you know. Of relevance is this, it has been a culminating point from which I have now moved on. Excuses are no longer acceptable. My mind fire gave form to hope, yet logic hath brought me to my senses and rejected what I now know to be false. In my existence in the military hope has been the beginning of unhappiness. So, I relinquished hope 16 years ago and replaced it with action. I move forward in this life and those that chose to exist in a past that has no future will be forever blackend from my mind's eye. Specters of what was once possible, but that which is now dead or dying.
If you recall, I looked into the waters to find my truth, well looking into the eyes, of another can also give you truth. Looking into the eyes is remarkably looking into the soul, even to the point of being a realized cliche. Yet the eyes cannot hide the truth, the eyes cannot hide fear, and although words are spoken it is the eyes that speak truth when the heart does not. Looking into the eyes of a rabid dog you can know if it will attack, looking into the eyes of an enemy detainee you can tell (even here) if there is truth. So looking into the eyes of one who has never been honest emotionally, there can be no hiding the truth, sadly there was no hiding the truth from me. I have seen the moment of truth, and that truth is good bye...
The only thing that happens when you wait is you get old...
Well said....you got lots of wisdom packed under that kevlar. I look forward to see you putting the passion into your campaign!
Posted by: Curt | 2005.05.20 at 15:20
Hey,
You are so right about what happens when you wait! I'm 52 and in the last 3 years or so have begun doing things I've never dared to do before.
Just open you heart, let God shape it up and step out in faith and DARE!!
God bless and I sure hope you get elected!!
Posted by: Louie Marsh | 2005.05.20 at 08:54
Your words are so true. I used to do system/software implementations and upgrades. People can be so resistant to any change due to fear of the unknown or just because they are lazy. I'd been thinking for 2 yrs of relocating to another state where I have no family and only a couple acquaintances and no job (yet). Well, it's happening now and I'm just jazzed about it. My problem now is patience to get everything done.
Posted by: toni | 2005.05.19 at 05:28
What does that mean?? ;)
Posted by: MAJOR K | 2005.05.18 at 00:57
"The only thing that happens when you wait is you get old..."
Well said, gotta keep reminding myself of that, take care man.
-dp
Posted by: Dave | 2005.05.17 at 09:07
Wow...
Though I know I wasn't your purpose for writing, thanks for the kick in the butt! :) (I'll write more later.)
Posted by: Beth | 2005.05.17 at 07:59
I love this post because I decided this year that I was tired of being afraid of everything. I was afraid to join a gymn because people would be thinking I couldn't do it, and afraid to take karate because I was afraid to spar. What if I got my butt kicked? I joined a gymn, and I don't care what anyone thinks, it feels good to go. I'm not taking karate yet because it's hard to arrange care for my 6 month old, but that's next. I'm gonna do it DAMMIT, so what if I get a black eye! It makes me feel young again to think about doing it. I'm tired of feeling like an old fart at 35. I bet you never thought about your posts affecting moms like me, but they do. Plus I like reading what you're up to over there, although I'm sorry that we Americans don't think about you guys and gals enough and all that you're sacrificing. Everyone is so damn spoiled here in the US, and it makes me sick. Thanks for sharing all that you do.
Posted by: Jackie | 2005.05.17 at 07:26